i think my mom watched the whole time
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
