Yo dont text me then not text me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
