how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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