a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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