i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
