just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize