i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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