Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
