You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
