Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
