I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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