if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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