You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
