Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
