1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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