I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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