we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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