but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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