I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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