i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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