i can't believe i had my finger in that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize