What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
