mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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