Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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