I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wish my penis had a tongue
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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