at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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