i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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