Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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