You just made me feel so damn special
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
