Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
