loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
