..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...