Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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