sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
