She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
