if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
