You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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