note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
