he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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