I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
