So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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