I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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