saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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