She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have aggressive nipples.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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