I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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