i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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