Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
