I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
