No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
