if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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