Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
