I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize