The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
