Umm I'm too high to move.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
