my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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