Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
