I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
