It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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