Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
