Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
