Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
