You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's blow job season.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
